We all have core principles and values that we live by. These are different for each of us. However, if your partner does not have the same values you have, then there is likely to be trouble in paradise as time marches on. Core values are things you must have in a partner.
- The desire to have children
- How you deal with money
For example, I’m insanely ethical. I was born this way. I can’t explain it. No one wants a cheater or a liar, but many times people cheat and lie and explain it away or justify it. This is completely incompatible with my sense of self, and something I could never accept in a partner. I was drawn to my last boyfriend because of his ethical principles. He was highly actuated in this area and it made me extremely attracted to him because of it.
Some of these things change over time, and sometimes not. Some people can become more religious or decide they want children. It is possible to change the way you view and handle money.
Deeply ingrained core values are not likely to change. If the person you are with is not family-oriented and doesn’t want to be, and you have a huge conflict, you are setting yourself up for trouble. If you want children and s/he doesn’t and never will, then stop trying to make it something it isn’t just because you love him.
4. Do they want to know me? The real me?
I believe everyone has different comfort levels in regard to vulnerability. Some people crave intense emotional intimacy, and some do not.
My parents were married for thirty-four years, and I often wonder how much they really knew each other.